I’m Real Bad at sewing

I ordered a bunch of shit off of www.sailrite.com in order to make some new curtains – my V Berth and head don’t have any. This wasn’t a problem before, as the portholes were covered in enough scratches, UV damage and filth to make them completely opaque, but now I’ve replace them with Actual See-Through ones it’s a pretty urgent matter. Ain’t NOTHING going on in the head or v-berth that I want other people to see.

Anyway, the first thing I did was watch one of the (frankly excellent) tutorial videos on the site, where I found I was missing the mounting clips for the rail. Maybe I should have watched this before I ordered a bunch of crap?! Whatever. I decided to attempt to sew the ‘tape’ that has the snaps onto the fabric, at least I’d get that part finished.

The tutorial uses a sewing machine, but who needs that shit hey? People were hand sewing for thousands of years (probably) and it can’t be that hard!!

Well, it lasted 10 minutes before I gave up in disgust and pain. No pictures because I manage to impale my finger pretty good, which then bled profusely into my phone, which has the back off and the circuits exposed since it won’t work for some reason with it on since last week, so it kinda short-circuit my phone and apparently the camera on it now doesn’t work. I’M DOING FINE MUM, HONESTLY

As a stand in measure I’ve duct-taped fabric over the portholes, like someone who is definitely got their life together in their 30s. *cough*

In other news I did some more film work as a wardrobe assistant for a country and western singing dog (!). Unfortunately the stuff they put me in made me look like Woody from Toy Story, however I (somehow) managed to get a date for this week with Megababe during the shoot. So uh, I guess a red cowboy hat is really the key?

If anyone knows how to get blood out of a circuit board, wood and fabric please holla at me. Thanks!



  1. Matt, Christina your neighbour here. First of all as someone who has been involved in costume design for over 20 years I have to say that your cute costume would pass my test with flying colours so 10/10 for that. Stain removal. You can soak the stain in cold water and salt or wet the stain and gently scrub some salt into the stain. I find a toothbrush is great for that job. Rinse and wash and dry as normal. If you find the stain is still showing and if the fabric is white I would use diluted bleach and a cu-tip or if the fabric isn’t white buy a bar of Ban-it-Stain Remover.

    In the UK it is called Vanish and I used to carry it with me when I was working at Ridley Scott’s Company RSA. Name dropping for effect but true story. Anyway, so on to sewing 101. If you don’t want your fingers looking like pin cushions invest in some thimbles and some heavy duty needles which I can give you if you pop over to Desdemona.

    Unfortunately, I don’t have a sewing machine anymore but to be honest when you are sewing heavy-weight fabrics a good industrial machine is the only way to go. Sometimes, you can find them second-hand and although they are still a bit expensive they could be a good investment. Otherwise, bite the bullet and pay a professional to do the job.

    I would finally, quickly take off the duct-tape!! The last thing you want to add to your problems is sticky residue on the fabric.


  2. Red cowboy hat… check!
    Dude, I LMFAO with this post! I’ve heard of milk or beer killing a phone, but your own blood?! Priceless!
    Get a sewing machine! Look for some old portable from the 60’s or 70’s… they are all metal. Don’t waist you money on the newer plastic ones. And if you get a hang of it, then invest in a sailrite! Everyone who’s got one loves ’em.

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